Triumph the Young
Don Young, (current representative for all Alaska) has triumphed over Sean Parnell in the Republican primary by a smooth 304 votes. In other news, Don Young is a corrupt bastard. I have said so before and will say so again. And yet, the news above makes me inordinately happy. Why is this? I shall explain. In Alaska politics, if you are not yet a corrupt bastard and you have an (R) by your name, you automatically win general state elections. I have seen no counterexample in recent history. However, if you are a longtime corrupt bastard, even if you have that (R), there is a chance you might be defeated by a (D). The best recent example of this is the election of dear Governor Palin. In the primary, Sarah faced incumbent Frank "Worst Governor Ever" Murkowski. Naive boy that I was, I figured it was good that Sarah beat Frank in the primary because she seemed incredibly inexperienced and unintelligent, especially compared to Former Governor Tony "Swedish Chef" Knowles and Andrew "Gadfly in Sarah's Bun" Halcro. However, because of the laws of Alaskan politics, the innocent and unknown Palin automatically won the governorship. Poor Tony didn't stand a chance. This time, though, the corrupt bastard (R) beat the convincingly airheaded but clean (R) and so good Alaskans and the good members of Congress have hope that we will never see Don again. And perhaps most happily, this victory can be attributed with some certainty to rogue voters who consciously voted for Young because they knew he would be easier for our man Berkowitz (D- aka unDerdog) to beat. Congratulations, Don. Better luck next time, Sean. Oh wait, I don't mean that.