A Dream (Sitka, Murder, and Guilt)

Last night I had a strange, intricate and memorable dream. More accurately, I had the dream this morning, since I went to bed after midnight and awoke about at noon. In fact I believe I dreamt sometime between 8 and noon, since I was half-awakened at the earlier time. It does always seem we dream near the end of our rest, but it is not often that I dream at all, let alone remember that of which I dreamt. For that reason, then, here is what I dreamt:

I am in a house with a woman. The house is an exact dreamscape replica of my own, complete with my grandparents' house across the street, but despite this, I know in my dream that I am in the town of Sitka, and despite my having no mental image of any view from that town, my view from the house's window is not of Tongass Narrows. If I remember correctly, it's as if flat residential areas were just laid across the Narrows in my real view from my house.

The specifics of the woman I cannot remember. I don't even remember doing any action, but I do know that in my dream the two of us were alone, and that I murdered her. Yes, I have no memory in my dream of the actual murder, but it was the two of us, and then suddenly she was gone, and I knew it was because I had killed her.

Then, as seems to be now a common theme in my dreams, I was alone in this dream-state replica of my house, and there were people coming to get me. This time the approaching threat was a person who I knew to be related to the woman, or perhaps her partner, and he was coming to kill me. Despite this, I don't remember him having a gun. Instead it was me who got a shotgun inside the house and began firing over my deck as the man crossed the street from my dream-Grandparents' house. I never really aimed the gun and the man never even responded to my shots, but I did fire at least twice, and it seemed at the time I was in very great fear of my life.

My memory may have betrayed me by leaving out certain parts of the dream, but at this point I believe there was yet another unexplained break in the story, and without even solving the problem of the approaching vengeful relative, I was suddenly transported to court. Here I heard in my mind the charges against me and saw the jury, imagining them deciding my guilt or no in this murder I had unquestionably done. I forget what the ongoings around me were, but I remember thinking over my guilt and crying many times as I sat with my lawyer before the judge.

Then, very strangely, those of us who had been in the court were eating. I sat at a table with my lawyer, not unlike the one we had just been at, except that here there was a tablecloth and tables were placed end to end in rows like at any big eating event. And the victim's family was sitting on the other side of the table. All I remember is that there were two menus for the meal we were eating: one prepared by those who were convinced of my guilt, the other by those protesting my innocence. The members of the woman's family said things to me I do not remember, and again I cried. That was where the dream ended - an ongoing sequence of unfettered, repentant guilt.

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