Ever-Ending, Ever-Continued

A single life is a cascade of change over a bedrock of continuity. Even the bedrock may shift over time, and the casade may surge or lessen at points, but our lives are still a constant politics: We all have the strictest Constitution of the Self, under which there's always a revolution going on.
In the last few weeks I have experienced many "lasts." I'm sure there are many I don't even realize, but then again there must always be things we're doing we'll never do again. As you know I've now finished with Academic Decathlon. I also worked my last session at Kayhi concessions a few days ago. Today I did what are certain to be my last soccer games referreed as a child - and yes I'll still use that word. There may not be much physical or "actual" change that occurs when I turn 18 (who knows when my physical adulthood was or will be defined), but I can assure you there will be mental change. The meaning society places on one's 18th birthday is influential - even for someone who doesn't care much for birthdays. Probably more important for me is that my birthday will be coinciding with my graduation; they'll be only three days apart.
These may be the last months I'll still feel comfortable referring to myself as a child. Then again, we're always children. Remnants of our childhoods are always going to have sunken into the bedrock of our lives, and honestly that's probably what makes me so accepting of all these ends. I have no problem being sentimental; I'm trying to be as hard as I can. These very sentences are my marks in the sediment to be dug up later - for history's sake. All the same, I don't feel the least bit sad that I'm growing up. That may seem regretful, but on the other side I feel no haste to enter adulthood  and leave all else behind. I feel my confidence in a sense of calm. Time seems to be moving at the perfect rate for me, and my rate of change seems perfect too. Our life's progressions should all feel fine, because through them all we can still realize that we are still all that we were, and we always will be. Life's continuance only adds to its value; it only elongates our memories - lengthening histories we can always value. We value our past because it's brought us to the present, and we value our future because - mortality or no - we know we'll have been a part of it.

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